Since I haven’t been writing as much this last year, I thought I’d give a recap on the ten top things that happened in my life or things I discovered about myself in 2011. 

1-      My hubby and I got back together in February after a 9 month separation

2-      Our family moved from a small 3 bedroom duplex into a spacious 6 bedroom house

3-      I have space now to decorate and have been busy making things for our house

4-      I discovered a love for repurposing and fixing up “old” furniture – making trash into treasure

5-      Received a Silhouette SD for my birthday and am finally an owner of a die cut machine and have been busily making things to beautify and organize our home

6-      Realized again my love for biking and hiking and went on many excursions with my family, including Timpanogos Cave with all six of our children

7-      Witnessed tremendous growth in my relationship with myself, my husband, and my children 

8-      My little Miriam finally started walking

9-      Found greater love and acceptance of myself and others as well as gained more peace in my life

10-   Helped facilitate a long awaited reunion between father and son

I'm excited for 2012 and new year of blessing, growth, and joy!  My goal is to write more this year, but I'm not committing to any number of posts, just more than last year!  Happy New Year to you all!

I reached a new milestone this last week…I had a birthday and turned 30!  Turning thirty definitely gave me a cause to think about my life up to this point and to think about the next thirty years (as Tim McGraw would say). 

Honestly though, I laid in the bed the night before my birthday and cried for 45 minutes.  My hubby says it was over an hour, but who’s counting anyway??  So yes, I had a lot of tears…some premenstrual if I think about it, but really I cried A LOT that night.  I’ve gotten teary eyed the last few months just thinking about my upcoming birthday.  Turning thirty is a milestone – a rite of passage so to say.  A farewell to those early adulthood years.  The twenties were fun but the thirties mean you really are an adult now.  I don’t know if thirty says all those things, but I guess that what it means to me.  I didn’t even really know why I was crying most of the time, but the tears just flowed.  It was a much needed release as I move onto the next decade of my life. 

I’ve been thinking about my life and the experiences I’ve been through.  I’ve had others comment to me about some of my life experiences being labeled as “mistakes.”  And this thought of mistakes has been on my mind quite a bit over the past weeks.  Let me just say that I don’t believe in mistakes.  I believe in growth, knowledge, wisdom, and experience that shape and mold who we are becoming.  I wouldn’t take back any of experiences and trade them for something else…ever.  I wouldn’t be who I am today and who I am becoming without the experiences I’ve been through.  I think back to who I was when I turned twenty and I’m completely different now!  Thank goodness!  If I was the same person as I was then than that wouldn’t be very exciting or challenging would it??  If I could have seen who I am today when I was twenty I would have judged myself so harshly.  I had a narrow view of the world around me and a harsh, condemning lens that I view everyone including myself.  As I look back to that young twenty year old girl that I was then, I forgive her for her judgments and I love her and what she has taught me.  I am grateful for that woman who held so strongly to her convictions as the best she knew how.  I’ve learned in the last ten years that in order to heal and to progress towards sanctification and a life of love, peace, and joy – then I need to forgive.  I forgive myself.  I love who I am today and am excited about who I will be when I’m forty.  I hope that I will have as much growth and life experience in the next ten years.  Here’s to the thirties!

I’ve been absent on my blog for quite some time now.  I’ve had several people ask me why I stopped writing and all I can say is I got to a point that I didn’t feel that strong push and desire to write.  My family has been more of a priority than anything but I do realize that for those who don’t know my story well would appreciate an update.

A lot has happened over the last year and I recognize the need for me to continue to express myself and share my story.  If you have followed my blog and have read all my stories please be patient with me as I continue to gain clarity in my writing as I share my most recent processing.

The main difference in my life since February is my getting back together with my husband,  JD.  This last year has been outlined with a lot of growth and progress on both of our accounts.  I’ve share many personal details about our story and if you recall from my posts last summer I was filing for divorce.  I got to the point where I was really done and did go forward shedding the old scripts and patterns I had created in my marriage.  The divorce process was almost complete and I felt peace in my decision to move forward.  However, in February when I least expected it, JD came back into my life as a man who had been humbled and was on his road to recovery.  He had been through a lot and was still trekking onward despite the difficulties that he faced.   I saw in him a new man.  I saw him through the eyes of Christ.  I saw in him a man who truly loves me but he had gained a conviction to continue his path of healing no matter what.  I decided on an unexpected, beautiful and tender day that I was going to stay with my husband and that I was going to be the woman by his side.  The grace of God prevailed in our marriage and we shared many precious experiences together that I will cherish forever.  I thought my heart was closed to him for good but the tender mercies of God showered our family in those first days and weeks when we got back together.   JD is the perfect mirror for me and the perfect man for me to work my issues out with.  Although he has his issues and his addictions he has continued to show up for me emotionally and has revealed God’s love for me in a profound way that I have never felt before. 

It may sound cheesy and many people don’t agree with my decision or understand but what it comes down to is LOVE.  I am fully aware of my his issues which is completely different than when I was blind and did not want to see his dark side or my dark side for that matter.  We are conscious in our relationship, something that I don’t believe most people in our culture even understand.  Something I didn’t understand before we went through the last several years together.  We are working on our relationship daily.  We are working on ourselves daily.  We are seeking guidance and counsel, and receiving Divine support as we are committed to one another on the Red Path.

I believe that the power of repentance and forgiveness changes lives.  Sometimes the path of change looks different than we think it should but I believe as we give up the control and let LOVE and GOD into our hearts, we will be guided.  We will be directed as our lives unfold into what it is that our intentions are.  So I admit and finally getting my thoughts out on this path I’m on – that I’ve been guided back to my dear JD.  The man I love and adore.  The man who has shown me a level of love and tenderness that I never knew.   The man who knows me better than anyone and still patiently waits for me to soften my heart to his love.  The man who teaches me and reminds me daily of who I am and that the most important thing is LOVE. 

I've shown up to many events with Carol Tuttle at the Center for Living Your Truth over the past two years.  If you've been reading my blog you will know that I love and support her Energy Profiling and Dressing Your Truth programs.  I was honored to have her invite me yesterday to be a guest on her internet radio show.  Here is the interview if you want to check it out.  If you have questions feel free to ask me, I love talking about this information!  If you don't understand type 3's it'd be a good interview to listen to.  Thanks Carol for supporting me and giving me a chance to speak my truth!

This morning I had the opportunity to listen to the morning show with Lisa & Eric on KLOVE and heard them talking about how we are made to crave God.  We are made with a desire to learn more of Him and to connect spiritually to our Maker.  I thought this was a great insight and took a mental note to check their website to learn more. 

Lysa TerKeurst wrote a book called, Made to Crave, which is about satisfying our deepest desire with God, not food.  I wasn’t necessarily interested in the part about food, but rather the idea of trying to fulfill any desire with anything other than God.  On the Lisa & Eric show they are talking about this topic and the book throughout the month of January.  I found so many amazing insights and quotes that I want to share the following two quotes.

“God made us capable of craving so we’d have an unquenchable desire for more of Him, and Him alone. Nothing changes until we make the choice to redirect our misguided cravings to the only One capable of satisfying them.”

“Are cravings a curse or a blessing?  The answer to that depends on what we’re craving.  And what we’re craving will always depend on whatever we’re consuming…either the object of our desire or God and His truth.”

I had a personal experience the other day that really hit this last thought home to me.  “Desperation breeds defeat.”  However, God has promised us that we will not be tried more than we can bear and with Christ we can rise above all temptations. (1 Cor. 10:13) I love this thought because the other day I was feeling a lot of desperation and instead of turning to God and rising above the moment, I did something that in the end didn’t bring me closer to God.  I’m grateful for the experience because I learned a lot about myself.  I’m learning what the scriptures say that God provides an escape for us in order to bear our trials.  For this truth I am so grateful!!

If you haven’t downloaded the free song by Jason Gray, you still have a chance to do it before January 17th.  Click here to get it free on iTunes.  

I just heard this song on KLOVE today and found out that www.klove.com is offering a free download of this song on iTunes until 1/17/2011.  Go get your free download today!  I love this song and feels it describes perfectly what i've been going through the past two weeks. 

I absolutely love the last part of this song that says:
Forgiven, beloved, Hidden in Christ
Made in the image of the Giver of Life
Righteous and holy, reborn and remade
Accepted and worthy, this is our new name
This is who we are now

I love Mercy Me and cried today while listening to this song.  I love little reminders this like that I am a Divine Goddess.

Lyrics for Beautiful by Mercy Me

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skys above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

A lot of things have happened to me this past year.  I have been blessed with great friends and family who have been extremely supportive of me and for that I am eternally grateful.  I know I couldn’t have accomplished all I did this last year without all those in my life who have believed in me and encouraged me to go for my dreams.  Being the entrepreneurial type 3 woman that I am I began 2010 with a mission to sell my handmade greeting cards on www.pureexpressions.etsy.com.  I spent the majority of the year creating my card sets, learning how Etsy works, taking better pictures, relisting my products, and preparing for my first boutique!  I had a lot of fun and learned a lot during this time. 

Another big goal for me this year was to learn more about herbs and how to make remedies for my family.  I was blessed to take a few online courses and purchase some books to get me on my way and soon enough my kitchen started to get crowded with my creations.  As I was making remedies for my family others began to be interested and friends starting asking me when I was going to start selling my herbal stuff!  I knew this was an avenue I was really enjoying but didn’t know how exactly to turn that into a business.  

Well, fast-forward to October when I completed my first boutique selling my cards.  I was invited to a local boutique to sell my herbal creations, not my cards.  Well, I didn’t have a product line in place yet, but I prayed for help that if this was an avenue I should pursue, the means would be provided to me.  To make a long story short, I was blessed beyond measure and every time I thought I “ran out” of money, more showed up.  Every time I needed an ingredient I was able to purchase it and after about a month and a half of work I created a product line called Divine Remedies.  Every step of this new business fell right into place without me “trying” to make it happen. 

I’ve had a lot of realizations these past couple months.  First of all, although I love stamping and paper crafting, I wasn’t getting very many sales in my Etsy shop or the other avenues I had pursued.  I was willing to keep at it but really it was a lot of work and a lot of time was spent to create one item.  Definitely not the best use of time for a single mom who can only do so much in one day!  Secondly, I realized as soon as I started making my herbal remedies that I could make a lot more product in a lot less time – talk about practical and efficient – qualities that are important to me.  Lastly, I realized that I wasn’t even really trying to sell my products yet and I already had paying customers ready to purchase my products! 

So, as sad as it is for me, I am announcing the closing of http://www.pureexpressions.etsy.com  In order to make room for my new product line I am offering a 40% discount on all products in my shop.   Simply use code thanks at check out and it will deducted from your entire purchase.  This discount is for everyone who is a reader on my blog and friends.  Please feel free to pass this on to anyone you think may be interested.  I don’t have a specific date I’m shutting my shop for good, so place your order today!