A lot has happened over the last year and I recognize the need for me to continue to express myself and share my story. If you have followed my blog and have read all my stories please be patient with me as I continue to gain clarity in my writing as I share my most recent processing.
The main difference in my life since February is my getting back together with my husband, JD. This last year has been outlined with a lot of growth and progress on both of our accounts. I’ve share many personal details about our story and if you recall from my posts last summer I was filing for divorce. I got to the point where I was really done and did go forward shedding the old scripts and patterns I had created in my marriage. The divorce process was almost complete and I felt peace in my decision to move forward. However, in February when I least expected it, JD came back into my life as a man who had been humbled and was on his road to recovery. He had been through a lot and was still trekking onward despite the difficulties that he faced. I saw in him a new man. I saw him through the eyes of Christ. I saw in him a man who truly loves me but he had gained a conviction to continue his path of healing no matter what. I decided on an unexpected, beautiful and tender day that I was going to stay with my husband and that I was going to be the woman by his side. The grace of God prevailed in our marriage and we shared many precious experiences together that I will cherish forever. I thought my heart was closed to him for good but the tender mercies of God showered our family in those first days and weeks when we got back together. JD is the perfect mirror for me and the perfect man for me to work my issues out with. Although he has his issues and his addictions he has continued to show up for me emotionally and has revealed God’s love for me in a profound way that I have never felt before.
It may sound cheesy and many people don’t agree with my decision or understand but what it comes down to is LOVE. I am fully aware of my his issues which is completely different than when I was blind and did not want to see his dark side or my dark side for that matter. We are conscious in our relationship, something that I don’t believe most people in our culture even understand. Something I didn’t understand before we went through the last several years together. We are working on our relationship daily. We are working on ourselves daily. We are seeking guidance and counsel, and receiving Divine support as we are committed to one another on the Red Path.
I believe that the power of repentance and forgiveness changes lives. Sometimes the path of change looks different than we think it should but I believe as we give up the control and let LOVE and GOD into our hearts, we will be guided. We will be directed as our lives unfold into what it is that our intentions are. So I admit and finally getting my thoughts out on this path I’m on – that I’ve been guided back to my dear JD. The man I love and adore. The man who has shown me a level of love and tenderness that I never knew. The man who knows me better than anyone and still patiently waits for me to soften my heart to his love. The man who teaches me and reminds me daily of who I am and that the most important thing is LOVE.